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opinion shows that

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2016.09.30
under the foot of God

 to the ordinary sense of physical relations, was nota delusion but an actual experience? Is it possible that I, in that moment, felt what bioderma matricium some of thesaints have said they always felt, the undemonstrable but irrefragable certainty of God?"[235]

[235] Op. cit., pp. 78-80, abridged. I subjoin, also abridging it, another interesting anaestheticrevelation communicated to me in manuscript by a friend in England. The subject, a gifted woman,was taking ether for a surgical operation.

"I wondered if I was in a prison being tortured, and why I remembered having heard it said thatpeople 'learn through suffering,' and in view of what I was seeing, the inadequacy of this sayingstruck me so much that I said, aloud, 'to suffer IS to learn.'

"With that I became unconscious again, and my last dream immediately preceded my realcoming to. It only lasted a few seconds, and was most vivid and real to me, though it may not beclear in words.

"A great Being or Power was traveling through the sky, his foot travel trade publication was on a kind of lightning as awheel is on a rail, it was his pathway. The lightning was made entirely of the spirits ofinnumerable people close to one another, and I was one of them. He moved in a straight line, andeach part of the streak or flash came into its short conscious existence only that he might travel. Iseemed to be directly , and I thought he was grinding his own life up out ofmy pain. Then I saw that what he had been trying with all his might to do was to CHANGE HISCOURSE, to BEND the line of lightning to which he was tied, in the direction in which he wantedto go. I felt my flexibility and helplessness, and knew that he would succeed. He bended me,turning his corner by means of my hurt, hurting me more than I had ever been hurt in my life, andat the acutest point of this, as he passed, I SAW. I understood for a moment things that I have nowforgotten, things that no one could remember while retaining sanity. The angle was an obtuseangle, and I remember thinking as I woke that had he made it a right or acute angle, I should haveboth suffered and 'seen' still more, and should probably have died.

"He went on and I came to. In that moment the whole of my life passed before me, includingeach little meaningless piece of distress, and I UNDERSTOOD them. THIS was what it had allmeant, THIS was the piece of work it had all been contributing to do. I did not see God's purpose, Ionly saw his intentness and his entire relentlessness towards his means. He thought no more of methan a man thinks of hurting a cork when he is opening wine, or hurting a cartridge when he isfiring. And yet, on waking, my first feeling was, and it came with tears, 'Domine non sum dignadermes,'

for I had been lifted into a position for which I was too small.
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